Holiday Blues- I think it's the parties!

Every November I "gear" up for the Holidays!  I figure how I am going to decorate my house inside and out.  I try to change things up every 2 years or so to keep things fresh.

Each Christmas I anticipate amazing things happening around the holidays.  I don't know exactly why I do, but there it is?  The Christmas Shows on Lifetime and Hallmark channel, suck you into other peoples turmoil and then boost your happiness when they find love again.  That always puts me into the Christmas spirit and builds my excitement.

The decorating, which I find fun and other people see as a chore, becomes the stage for my dramatic play and the sappy Christmas songs enhance the scene- I roll around in all the Christmas joy.  The Christmas Parties is where the story will begin and my sparkly outfit will attract the attention of some amazing man who will join me on my next adventure.   I can't get enough, I am bursting with anticipation.

In a blur, December screams by!   I always have a very enjoyable time, I think.  I get to see all my friends here in Colorado and in Minnesota.  I spend quality time with the family.

But in my holiday dream, I land on my feet and realize nothing ever really changes.  The parties were fun, my friends are still great and interesting, I always get wonderful gifts.  But I don't get the "remember the Christmas of 2010, that was a doosey".

I am sure many people would like it that way, the grass is always greener philosophy.  But for me, something interesting, off the normal trek, would be awesome.  I love surprises but that rarely happens. The good news is that I never loose that enthusiasm for what might come!

After all the craziness of December, Jan hits and I am left with no parties and working out only- seriously, no wonder I and many other people are depressed.  We might have to change that!

On Fire I Got the Wire

I decided to get braces.  I know I am not a teenager, but I never had them and thought it would be a great idea.  They hurt. They are annoying.  I am forever pulling my top lip over the braces- it annoys my family-I think that's funny that they are annoyed.

I have to carry a purse now, never did before but the tooth brush, tooth paste, flossers, tooth picks and wax need to be at my beck and call!  I do hope people will tell me when I have a chunk of food in my teeth-my dignity needs some assistance.

Sometimes I feel vain for having them because they are merely cosmetic.  Have you noticed that everyone has wonderfully straight teeth?  I want some as well!

I feel like lying to people when they ask why, "well I was doing this photo shoot for Ski Magazine and I launched this cliff, I stuck the landing but proceeded to nick a rock under the blanket of snow and took a face plant and knocked all my teeth out!"  It sounds better than I want nice teeth.

My braces only have to be on for 6 or so months-everyone tells me my dentist is lying-that's impossible! "I had braces for 3 years and my mouth was filled with metal for all my teen years"  6  months that's what he is saying!  I like him.

It is tough to smile with these braces on because the brackets razor off the skin on the inside of my mouth every time I do that.  It hasn't really stopped me except, I don't have to laugh at people who are not funny but I feel obligated to gafaw because it's awkward.  This way I don't laugh and have an excuse!

I didn't realize working out would dry out my braces and my mouth.  I have to constantly splash water in there to keep from coughing and the teeth sticking to the braces.  Great, I look like a women with the white man's overbite- super attractive.

By the way you can "make out" with braces on.  FYI!

My affinity for where I went to College. College of St Benedict

It was Homecoming this last weekend in Collegeville, Minnesota.  St John's University and College of St. Benedict.  It's two separate, but equal schools, that are considered one experience.  One for the women and one for the men.  It was such and incredible experience and the older I get and the more people I meet, I realize how special College of St Benedict and St. John's University really are.

I am third generation "Bennie" and I hope my nieces will feel the draw like my sister and brother did.    When I tell people here in Vail that I am making a special trip home to my College reunion they look at me very confused?  Who does that?  Not many people.  Most people went to large universities and only have a few, if any friends that they went to college with.  I, however have many friends I went to college with many years ago.  So going to homecoming is a way to see people I have not seen in a while.  Although, I don't have daily conversations with many of these friends, we are still friends- that's the way it works.

There is this unwritten code that if you attended school here, you are different.  Anyone else who attended, is somehow connected to you, whether you know them or not.  It's just that way.  We have a high regard for alumnae and alumni.  So going to homecoming to see the ladies and the guys is not unusual- it's normal. I wear my college gear all the time and it only gives me the opportunity to meet more people who are Bennies and Johnnies.

For me to drive to Denver on a weekend to have a picnic with a bunch of people, I don't know, who went to College of St. Benedict and St. John's University may seem strange to a lot of people.  I am completely comfortable with it and I am not alone.  I am assured to recognize someone- which I did.

The bond this place creates with it's students is amazing!  I forgot how much I liked a lot of people I went to college with so many years ago. I look forward to the next event.

Mountain Bike Ride on Vail Mountain

Each time I ride up Vail Mountain, I get to see wildlife in it's element.  I think that I am developing a relationship with one deer in particular.  She seems to see me coming, steps out on the trail, says hi, and then steps back into the woods.  It's interesting that She hangs around the river but does not prance off when she hears me.  I wonder if anyone else is having this same experience.

I like riding on the mountain because for the most part it is quiet.  You have a few maintenance cars that drive by and a handful of bikers but that seems to be the traffic.

As much as I ride my bike, crazy athlete type I am not.  Those types of people are prevelant here in the mountains.  Most people can "wiz" by me going up the mountain.  I don't have enough time in my life to ride 3-4 hours a day.  Other things catch my attention.

Biking alone is preferable because I can set my own pace, enjoy the scenery and stop if I need to.  Taking a break here and there helps get me to chair 10. 

I like that I am seeing progress in how far I can ride and the length of time it is now taking.  Shorter rides feel like they are not enough of a workout.  I never thought I would make that statement!  That's a little scary.  These results would never have come from a gym.  Thank goodness that I live here.

Thinking about the novel that I am writing while I trudge up the mountain has been helpful to keep me going.  I think about that instead of how tired and bored I am.  Works perfectly.  

Stress Perspectives from Hiking Vail Mountain on Sunday

I am amazed at how quickly the peacefulness of a mountain hike or a day at the lake can be stripped from you, as your enter back into your life.

It's such a struggle to recall that experience when the stress, that sent you searching, is still there.  I always hope I can hang onto those feelings and channel the memory.  The further I get into life, worry seeps into my mind and body.  Stress consumes my thoughts and worries of work, money and relationships grasp me tightly.  So tightly, I have trouble recalling the moment.

It's lucky for me, I live in a place, where I can reach outside my door and find it again.  Sometimes, I lose my peacefulness and it takes time to remember where it was lost and where it can be found again.

There is nothing more powerful than restoring the soul by talking a walk under a canopy of trees, with the river flowing beside you and your breath keeping time with it. 

Sitting on a fallen tree looking around, hearing quiet movement, pulls that stress right out and carves out some mental perspective.

I just wish I could hold on to that feeling more often.  I will keep trying to find that moment and that memory and hold it closer to my soul to block that stress. 

New Additions to my blog

Just wanted to give everyone the heads up that I am going to make some additions to my site to include Book Reviews, Movie Reviews, Rants and fun websites- hopefully more funny than not.

I hope you enjoy these additions, I think they will be a lot of fun to write and hopefully Read.

If you have any suggestions please feel free to post a comment.

A Place I felt Safe and Secure as a Child

My sense of freedom came from Camp Easton for Boys, a summer camp my family owned in Northern Minnesota, just outside of Ely Minnesota.

Every summer we would pack our suburban so that every inch was taken and my two sisters, brother and parents would wave goodbye to our friends and the hot city.
The camp sits on Little Long Lake, a sliver of a lake, sandwiched between two larger lakes with only a few cabins at the far end. We had the lake and wilderness to ourselves and most people couldn’t even find the place.

We arrived right after school in early June when it was so quiet, the only movement was the breeze and a few animals lurking around. The only sign of life from the winter was deer and bear poop with occasional tracks. The leaves were just bursting from the buds and the lake, being spring fed was just a bit icy for a swim.

Once we arrived, I would spend hours wandering around the camp, making sure everything was exactly as I left it with exception of winters mark. When the sun shined everything would sparkle and you could almost see the leaves and flowers bloom before your eyes. It seems as if the forest was shaking off the cobwebs for a good stretch.

Up here at camp we were away from the outside world. No TV, minimal radio from WELY and no newspapers except on Sunday. The big excitement from the outside world was when I received a handwritten letter. The joy I felt when looking into my old wooden mail slot, my name clearly marked in gorgeous cursive letters from the hand of my Aunt Karen. I would peer into that box and there they were letters from my friends. The outsides were always decorated with notes and stickers. It’s such a simple thing but I can still feel the excitement. We got them at lunch and then I had the whole rest period to read through them and look at pictures my friends would send. I always had more fun than my friends from the information described in the letters. Sometimes they would include a magazine article for me to read.

I could go on forever talking about camp, I met so many amazing people who were funny and introduced me to books I never thought I would read to bands I still love today. I learned about other places in the US and the world and began to crave traveling there. Here I had my own schedule as did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. All I needed to do was show up to eat and sleep.

In this place there was no pressure for me to be anything other than who I wanted to be at that moment. I always had little crushes on certain campers or counselors but no one gave me bad advice on how to act, I just did what I thought was right or felt right. For the most part the crushes liked me as well. No one told them they cannot like a girl who likes sports and to run and play in the woods. I was not judged by the clothes I was wearing or the makeup that covered my face. Boys wanted me to be fun and strong. Back then fun, strong and smart was attractive to boys and young men. They didn’t give a hoot how big my boobs were just that I had them and they liked that I was different but yet so much the same. I was respected for my knowledge of the activities and how to perform them and if a boy needed my help, he asked with no shame or fear. Boys were allowed to shed a tear on the last night in front of the camp fire because everyone felt the same about leaving and no one would make fun of you. It felt so much more pure than things do now. So many kids are clouded by unimportant issues and they are required to grow up fast, show no emotion, fight till the death to get what they want and destroy everyone and everything just to make a buck. It never felt like that back then. Kids had lofty aspirations but they had a way to get there that did not cause pain. Money was important but having a good life was what we talked about.

It was safe, secure and exhilarating. I can still dive deep into those feelings if I give myself the opportunity to think about it. I tread through those memories holding onto beautiful pieces of friendship, love, peace, laughs and the quiet forest.

A Summer Moment

The last few days have been hot but enjoyable, it makes me feel like we are actually having a summer here in Vail.

I have enjoyed most of the day outdoors, except for a cool siesta in my underground haven- safe from the suns rays and a place of rest.

I am sitting just inside the dining room door. I came inside when a mountain cloud rolled through to release some droplets on me. The rain was light and just enough to cool the air a bit, creating that fresh rain scent. Moisture was injected into the air creating the perfect summer breeze.

I breathed in that moment and reached for my pen. That sequence of simple events, captured precisely, what an awesome summer feels like. It happened so quickly but I can still feel it.

The summer is still enveloping me as the sun comes back out, slightly softened, since it's about to dip behind the mountains.

This time of the day creates a golden glow on my dining room table. It bounces off a vase of purple and white flowers sitting on a colorful pink, blue and green table cloth. 2 candles are burning, a hint of jasmine waves past me when the breeze blows through the window.

I am grasping at time, but it keeps changing and I fear I will lose it soon and have to close the door.

The sun fades in and out, changing the hues and changing the mood. I wish it would stay for awhile so I can capture the words on paper to relive the scene forever.

The sun is glistening on the Aspens. My flowers are refreshed by the rain and their colors have brightened. Flowers are so beautiful, they perk me up and make everything happy. The trees with their living energy, makes me smile and breath. The longer I sit here, my breath dives more deeply, releasing whatever I have been holding.

I am sad now as the sun drops away- please come back.

By the way, Champagne does not freeze in the snow

Champagne does not freeze in the snow. I buried 3 bottles up there for the last day of the season for skiing on Vail Mountain. It's always a great party to celebrate the end of the season

This tidbit does come in handy when you are thirsty, the lifts are closed, its a bright sunny day and you don't want to leave the mountain just yet.

You just need to find a good place to hide it so no one stumbles on it or pees on it for that matter.

Social Media Presentation

I have a number of articles to add to my blog but I have been spending time putting together my presentation to the Vail Valley Business Women on Social Media and the Small Business.

It's been a lot of fun putting this presentation together. I have been learning something new everyday that can help promote my businesses and my writing. It's fantastic!

I am also involved in a writing class and have a number of piece I would like to add to my blog so hang in there and I will send out a note when I add some new material.

Thanks

Flowery language and the Moon light snow shoe

I had a friend read my blog to see if I made any glaring errors I passed over when editing. She is a very good writer hence the reason I asked. "Too flowery" She said in an email. Later she called back saying that she thought that may have been too harsh. I thought it was funny. I love flowers. "Flowery is not a word anyone would use to describe me so where did all that come from?" Not sure? I was trying to write something I thought other people would understand and would enjoy doing if they never thought about a moonlight snowshoe before.

She says that I can be funny and I have a great voice for storytelling. The voice she read was one from someone I was trying to emulate. I would like to know who that might have been. Perhaps, I was channeling when I wrote that!?! I am not sure people want to know what is pulsing through my head when I do these activities but she says that they would. So, I am going to try again to tell you how incredible it is to moonlight snowshoe. Actually, snowshoeing at night, no matter what’s hanging in the sky is incredible. What does go through my mind when I participate in these activities, I am sure you are wondering now. It's probably what everyone else is thinking. "How come no one likes to do this with me” I ask friends all the time and everyone is busy. So off I go. I can't help it; I am drawn to the outdoors and look for any enticing excuse to do anything outside. Once, when I made the mistake of having an office job, I would leave the office on a "coffee break" just to breathe real air. I did this a lot, everyone thought I had a coffee addiction, a really big one. I let them down easy.

I often think as I am trudging up the mountain, why do I do this all the time and I am still huffing and puffing? Will my butt get any smaller, I am using it, and it should Dr Oz! My ski pants are filthy and need to be washed- badly. Why again did I buy cream colored pants? Oh yeah, they matched the jacket, still stupid. If I found the right man would he be doing this with me? He better or he couldn't be the right man! Under the moonlight, making out in the trees, now this sounds awesome to me. Come to think of it, wouldn't it be great to meet the right man wandering around up here. Would I be scarred or excited? Where did I put that bear mace anyways? I sometimes follow a trail made by others and depending on the snow, I make my own. It's tiring to make your own path but the hip flexors love it and that makes putting on ski boots easier, tying shoes as well. Making your own path can be so cliché and boring metaphorically, so what’s really fun is to equate it with not following the rules that others have set up for you. I hate most rules and will follow those that will keep others safe. For instance, I stop at stop signs and don't run red lights. But other rules are just plain nonsense.

Wandering around in the woods, at night, when its soooo quiet you can hear your own heart beat is amazing. I know people don't like to be alone but ominous feeling of being totally alone in the wilderness is something you cannot get out of your mind. It has a freeing feeling like everything that has been bothering me somehow does not seem too difficult and in those trees is the answer. "Stop worrying about it and take some action". The blood pumping through my body floods me with an energy that helps me to believe anything is possible and I really believe that! You cannot imagine how bright the moon can be. You can walk anywhere without concern, you can see every crevasse carved into the mountain, every detail of the fallen trees and the ones still standing. I laugh when I think about how the moon freaks people out with its power. I know I am drawn to it but I think people use it as an excuse to behave badly or write a scary story, one of the two.

Just last night I saw the sliver of the moon and I know the full one is on its way. I got really excited! Is that pathetic or weird? I am almost compelled to research more about the moon, but don't tell anyone they may think I have lost my marbles. The moon is coming so try to get out and enjoy it. I will take notes about all the stuff that flows through my brain and give you moonlight snowshoe 2!

Moonlight Snowshoe

A full moon snowshoe has an exhilarating affect on me. The moon untouched by any clouds just light up the snow beneath my feet. It's amazing to walk through the woods at night with no fear and no need of any light other than that moon. Peaceful steps push me forward up the mountain. I have no intention other than to soak up the rays, and the quiet and tasteful breeze. Waltzing through the previous tracks and then stepping onto my own trail makes my mind ease from the worries of the day. I could go on forever since the moon seems to pulse through me with bolts of energy. The stories of how the moon affects people and makes them a little crazy are everywhere but I have a different feeling for this experience and take from it excitement and energy. Not too many places can you drive a short distance and put on your snowshoes and in minutes be so lucky to have this experience. If ever you have the opportunity to do this, please take advantage of it an go tip toe through the snow under moonlight.

Excerpt from one of my novels

My vision is blurred as if I am running in a cloud of dust. I must keep moving toward that tiny entrance in the thick evergreens. There are only minutes until the opportunity closes and I shall be trapped here forever in time unable to protect this mystical and sacred place. This place and the people are valuable to the future. "Keep going" I scream at myself, "you are almost there" As I lunge forward I can feel a slight shift in ground beneath me so I surge even more energy into my legs. I am getting close but the roar from behind me indicates my pursuers are right on my tail. I can hear the shouting, arrows whisking by my head, panting horses, heavy hoof beats and the guttural yell of war cries. So chilling are these cries that my voice gets locked in my throat and tears pour from my eyes. I know they cannot see me I can tell by the shouting and the arrows zinging pass my body, these men never miss their targets. Out of breath, energy zapped and legs like logs I keep my eyes forward. I want to look back to see those bright blue warrior eyes searching for me but the pain in my gut will not give me that opportunity. I said goodbye and now I go. As I pound my way down the path, I can feel the air grabbing me with a suction force that I know I am through the passage way, the dust will settle and I can rest and be free. The sound of war is now lost behind me and I hear nothing. My escape is complete but my mission has only begun. I close my eyes and I hit the ground in a roll and then I am out.

Holy Cross Defense Fund

Holy Cross Wilderness

The unmoving quiet of the mountains is energizing.  Each step into the wilderness; layer after layer of stress, pain and sorrow is peeled away by some refreshing, rejuvenating touch.  Your senses sharpen and your mind comes alive.  Life possibilities open before you, the blinders drop and a new spirit is released beginning to feel refreshed.  Freedom propels you further into the experience and suddenly issues that have been consuming your mind come into focus.  As this happens the sharpness of these problems smooth out and their impact lessens.  Are they as important as we think they are?  Not comparably but the answers appear as your mind can finally see around the edges and the clarity glides over them.  Fresh air in quiet places allows everyone to focus on true priorities without unwanted distractions. .Stressful emotions melt away and the energy surrounding your body brings only comfort. 

Why can’t we remember how these places make us feel?  Why are we so trapped in our lives that we won’t take a hike toward our inner freedom.  There are people who remember how being in the mountains makes them feel.  For most of us, these places exist out our back door.  A word of caution because these places are disappearing because of what is called progress.  This progression will destroy what we need to live and be free.  Holy Cross Wilderness is one such place that needs our help and protection.  Our big cities are stealing what we, the animals and plants need to exist and a place where our souls can find that peaceful release.  People who live in this great state of Colorado are here for the vast and gorgeous wilderness.  Protection of this area is imperative to our existence.  Please help protect this treasure by donating to the Holy Cross Wilderness Defense Fund.   

Written by

Katie Kukar

For the Holy Cross Wilderness Defense Fund